Tips on what to wear to a funeral or wake

My producer just came back from a funeral and was offended by the attire of some of the guests who came to pay their respects.  Hmmm…respect is a key word.  I don’t want this post to seem morbid but of course, dealing with death isn’t a light subject.  So I want to be respectful in my comments which makes me wonder why people don’t always consider being respectful when they attend a funeral or wake.

Now there is a difference between the two.  The wake is typically a more casual viewing of the body and a chance to pay your respects to the family.  There isn’t a program so you can come in anytime during the open viewing hours.  This provides more flexibility in your clothing options.  So if the wake is right after you leave work, you should feel free to come in your work attire, everyone will understand unless your career choice offends some.  But if you are leaving your house to attend the wake don’t go in your shorts, torn up jeans, or gardening pants…seems too much like you don’t care and if that’s the case, why bother?

Now for the funeral, I do have some strict rules on attire:

1. No over exposure of skin. Modesty is appropriate for a funeral.  So a top with your cleavage exposed or back out and a skirt that barely covers your thighs is inappropriate.  Like when you are a guest at a wedding, the day is NOT about you so don’t dress to get attention.  (i.e. be a little less Sex in the City’s Samantha and a little more Charlotte).
2. Wear BLACK. I typically like to get folks in color but this is one of those times that I suggest you stick with the basic – Black.  Don’t have a black dress, skirt or pant suit in your closet?  A little hard to believe but okay…try another dark color like chocolate brown, navy or charcoal grey.  Now I am sure I will get some folks telling me that this  is old fashion but I would argue that sometimes people don’t know how to monitor themselves on color and giving them free reign will guarantee someone shows up in a vibrant red and the minister will need to give a more lengthy sermon on “giving your life to GOD and avoiding hell.”
3. Wear BLACK. No I didn’t mistakenly write number two over.  This black is for your feet.  Now in the past, just saying wear black shoes makes it more formal and conservative but now with all of the options for sneakers, I have to be clear NO SNEAKERS.  But also NO SHOES THAT YOU CAN’T KEEP ON YOUR FEET.  It is not only rude at a funeral but everywhere but your house and the beach.  Who wants to see your bare feet?  Just tacky and don’t disrespect the dead with such a poor move.
4. No hats! Well, you can of course wear the “church” hat but don’t wear the knitted hat, bomber hat, baseball cap, beach floppy hat, etc…you get it?   And in case any men are reading this or ladies, you are sharing with your man as you both get ready for the funeral, he has to take his hat off when he is inside the venue.  It is man law!  Okay, not really but appropriate etiquette for sure.

Here are a few sensible looks:

Black Dresses by AK Anne Klein
Pumps by Steve Madden

Need more ideas on “What to Wear” for other occasions?  Visit our “What to Wear” page. Make sense?

Add a comment

Click here to cancel reply.

Your name (required)

Email (required)

Website

Your message

CAPTCHA Code *